1, 2, 3 Standard Deviations

"Do you want me to add them all up and take the average?"--Me

I asked Mr. Useless his age 3x and 3x he has given me a different age. I already went through a relationship where I didnt know the person for 9 months. I refuse to accept even the whitest of lies....

Mr. Useless: C'mon man. I told you how old I was

Me: You told me you were 21. 22. 23. So. Should I add them all up and take the average to find out your real age? - im very sincere, I even pull out my calculator-

Mr. Useless: Man...

Me: You know what? - cutting him off- Let me call you back.

I am tired.

I am horny.

I am done.

Every guy I meet is either cheap. cheap and gay. annoying. stalker-ish. liar. or full of shit.

The current prospectives come and go. They invite themselves to my house. They try to skip levels of taking me out and feel the need to WANT TO come over for the so called "harmless"

tv and drink.

Hell no!

Just because I live alone does not mean you are invited. You got to take me out. I have no idea what to do. The men are abundant.

But they are all useless.

Smooth Talker is a current prospect that keeps inviting himself over to my house although I mentioned I was uncomfortable with him there. We have yet to go to a neutral place and for some strange reason I think his plan is to fuck me. But I am as old as dirt and I know I don't fall for that bull shit.

He just doesn't know.

Smooth Talker is interesting. He is a dentist. He seems normal. But he keeps inviting himself to my house. I'm not feeling it. I finally gave in tonight for movie and drinks for Sunday, but I am gonna change that plan when he calls me. This jerk is taking me out. Fuck that.

The surgeon. Was/Is a crazy ass guy thats falling in love with me and even goes so far to tell guys we are together so they will not talk to me. He has texted. called. emailed. facebook-ed. He has searched for me in so many weird ways to find me, I think he is nuts. I have yet to get rid of him. He loves to interrogate me! He would ask me tons of questions like

1. Who did you dance with at the party?

--fuck? are you my boyfriend?

2. Who is the guest you have at your house?

--what? is that your business?

3. Who are you going to the party with?

--not you!

4. Did your guest sleep in the bed with you?

--click (the noise a phone makes when you hang up on crazy ass questions)

I have seriously been through too much in the past month. I need a break.

My last prospect is car-less. I don't want to drive every where. I am not interested.

Once I got rid of Undercover, when he had the nerve to ask me to rent the movie and buy wine when he was on his way to MY HOUSE...that he invited himself to. I told him not to come over after he texted me that bullshit...but he came anyway and banged on my door for 15 minutes.

(I wasnt gonna answer that damn door)

I have been in a whirlwind of men that need to get a reality check.

Back to square 1. Lonely...erm..uh..I mean...SINGLE & learning to Love It.

by the way...

here is my Halloween Costume

I'm a Normal Curve.

Got to love statistics!!!

HaPpY HaLLoWeeN

Those were the Days...

My friend R calls me 2 nights ago. She is beyond drunk and basically explaining how she wants us to have sex again.

I am more than irritated. I am sleepy and dont feel like hearing that bullshit right now. I repeat over and over how we are not gonna have sex again. She obviously doesnt believe me.

I dont even believe myself.

Navyman is back in the picture and she is jealous.

R: I dont wanna see Navyman when I come to see you in Atlanta
Me: Ok. thats fine. But I HAVE to see Navyman.
R: Thats bogus. I spend my money to see you. I miss you (insert my last name here)

R likes to call me by my last name. I cannot help but think how she is reminding me of talking to one of my high school boyfriends. Everything. From the words she uses to the inflections in her voice. I am once again turned off.

I think about how evil and inconsiderate that will be to have my friend come all the way from Chicago to see me and I leave her sitting on the couch. While Im fucking Navyman.

I must admit. That was the plan.

Me: Look. I will see Navyman before you come or after you come. My plans to see Navyman is not set in stone.
R: Man, thats bogus.
Me: Did you not hear me say I am not gonna do it.
R: I just wanna hit again. Navyman shouldnt get a chance to hit if he disses you.

R has a tendency to not hear you after you make a statement agreeing with her. I get so annoyed that I have to repeat that I am not seeing Navyman. Also. The immaturity of what she is saying works a nerve. I already explained to her several times that I do not like to be thought of as this tool used for sex. You cannot "hit" me. Then saying how Navyman dissed me took me over the edge. I hang up the phone.

She calls me 10x and text I think 5.

I am beyond irritated. But I ended up forgiving her last night around 1 am.

Still convincing myself that I will not have sex with my best friend.

Why cant things be like they were in the past?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Grad school has proven to be filled with the weirdest experiences in my life.

Atlanta has proven to be the same.

I currently have all these foreign men swooning over me. And I dont like not a 1.
1 has even gone so far to keep other men from talking to me. I think he deserves a sole topic.

Aye Ca-rumba.

Waiting to Exhale

That's the CD I found in his car.

Now every gay guy I know LOVES Beyonce. Madonna. Cher. Celine Dion. And of course...Whitney Houston.

This big man has a car filled with religious music and Waiting to Exhale.

I have more rap than he does. I thought. All this religious music is starting to make me think he is hiding something.

Me: I hate Waiting to Exhale. The movie. And the Soundtrack.
Undercover: This CD kept me up from my drive to Atlanta! This is a good CD.
Me: Its scratched up. Throw it out (opening up the window, preparing to toss the CD).
Undercover: Naw Girl!!

screeeech! brake. brake...

This man loves to call me "girl." I have warned him before. But now its getting outta hand. When I texted him that I got the job at the CDC, he texted back

"YOU GO GIRL"

literally.

I sent a mass forwarded text to my brothers and my best friend.

Unanimously, they called him Down Low. Gay. Sneaky.

UNDERCOVER.

My brother said, "youve only been in Atlanta for a week and you already found 2 downlow guys! DAMN!!"

On our second date night he decided to question my religious beliefs. Which I found funny because I question it myself. I always thinks its funny when people put on this "Im prepared to debate voice" but he wasted his time because I dont debate about religion. Im not a Christian. And I am not an Atheist. I feel they are both extreme.

I lie somewhere in the middle.

I laughed at his questions of how you think you got here. And just asked him the same question.

Undercover: God!
Me: How did "God" get here?
-silence-

Undercover: God is God.
Me: Thats not an answer.
Undercover: Well, what do you think of Creationism?
Me: I dont think of Creationism. -chuckle-

He randomly goes into homosexuality. the gay culture in atlanta. etc

Undercover: There's alot of gay people here
Me: Theres alot of gay people everywhere
Undercover:But here is alot.
Me: Thats because of this "hype-d" up idea of it being the gay mecca. But what people dont realize is that the gay people here are transients. These so-called downlow brothers hail from places not in Atlanta. I mean I dated a downlow guy born and raised in Chicago. People need to worry about every guy they meet.

(Undercover is from Illinois)

Then he says the ultimate thing:

Undercover: People need God. God can make those feelings go away. The power of God can turn a gay man straight.
Me: So. God. Can Make. A Gay Person. Straight. _confused_
Undercover: yea
Me: Well, then God can make a straight person Gay.

-silence-

After oh so many "Girl(s)" I decided to drop mr. 6'5''-couldve-been-potential. Not only that. We went on 2 dates and he had issues with paying for valet/parking. Which in Atlanta is like $3-5! In Chicago, its $12 to $20! He must dont date often or something. And our current date was gonna be at his house. I decided to write him a rain check.

R asks me why do I stay with guys I dont really like?

I've heard this question before.

But since Freshguy..ahem...I mean FAKEguy came clean, Im starting something new.

If I don't like you.

Fuck you.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire.

Freshguy is a liar.

The guy who claimed to be the beneficiary to 5 hotels (father's business) is infact one of the worst liars that I know. Not taking a 70k salary job in OHIO, yes Ohio not New York to stay in Champaign IL to take his GMAT and apply for Business schools seems rather strange. Especially since alot of top business schools require work experience. It astounds me. really. Is he really rich? The longer I spent with him, the more I realized he wasnt FRESH at all. The clothes. Shared with his cousin. The endless money. Working 2 jobs. NO CAR.

Freshguy pulled a fast one. I realize Im not shit either since Ive dated his unattractive ass only because I BELIEVED he had some sort of cash. Gold Digger. My experience with being a gold digger FOILED & FLOPPED!

Everyday I would ask myself:
1. what engineering job in whack ass Ohio will offer an entry level bachelors degree in Computer Science (If it was computer science!!?!!) a 70k salary?
2.Why doesnt he know differential equations and all the other stuff that engineers study (my older brother talked about it all the time before he switched careers to get his MBA)?
3.Why can he eat pussy like a fucking pro when he CLAIMS that he never done that before?
4.Why doesn't he drive a benz like he CLAIMED he was gonna get for graduation?
5. Why didn't he know when the grad school applications were due? said October when its really December
6. Why didnt he ever get a state ID or Drivers License and continued to use fake ids?
7. Why did he always carry cash and refuse to let me see his atm card or carry his atm card in fear he might lose it and get his identity stolen?
8. Why did the person he claimed to be his mom was really his cousin's mother and the room he claimed to be his room was his cousin's room?
9. Why didnt I know his real name until 2 weeks ago?!!!
10. Why is he lying!?!

My brother said he knows he cant "pull chicks" especially one's like me so he lies. I believe him. I wouldn't talk to him unless he was offering something on the table. I wouldn't talk to anybody for that matter unless they are offering something.

For 2 days I have been arguing with him to get the truth. He refused to give me the name of the company that was offering him 70k job. After 2 hours of cussing him out, he gave me this name:

http://www.adconengineering.com/contact_us.htm

I called today. Low and Behold, they tell me they dont have a need for engineers and IT. They ship, distribute and sale. They don's DEVELOP products. They don't computer program. So, there is no need for someone with those degrees to work there, no salaries to give out.

He kept stating how good of a "boyfriend" he was to me. Which I can agree and disagree. If you are a liar, your good points are deducted. He was nice and treated me pretty good. BUT I dont care if I dont know who you are! I also asked the name of his father's hotels. He wouldn't disclose the information. He claimed to pay $1200 for his GMAT course at Kaplan (I told him I paid 1200 for my GRE). I decide to ask my brother how much was the GMAT course before he went to business school and he said it was close to $4,000!! I checked it online and my brother was right. Why couldnt Freshguy check the internet before telling me these lies?!

Got to love my life.

While Here in Atlanta, going to grad school. working ever so hard. WHICH I AM LOVING!

I meet a guy at the gas station. For some reaon, I meet more men here than any other city I have ever been! ENDLESS DATES and PHONE CALLS. Its rather ridiculous.

He is kinda cute. He is 6'5'' In GREAT shape. He stops me because I have a huge ILLINOIS ALUMNI car decal on the back of my truck. We talk about being from Illinois and I leave the conversation to pay for my gas. I come back out after 15min and he is still there waiting for me. I give him my number.

After a day or 2, he calls and picks me up for a date. A fabulous date in one of Atlanta's random restaurants with live music, food and great beer. I find myself sexy and drunk, snapping my fingers to the good music. He tells me he is an assistant football coach to one of the universities here in Atlanta. He is 27. and some other stuff about him that I could care less about.

He has been calling me ever since.

Is he potential? Is he Freshguy's replacement?

Only time will tell.

However, I don't trust him. I don't trust any guy.

BEfore I moved to ATLANTA

I am now an Atlantan.
I was so busy and in over my head, I am glad I made it here in 1 piece.

but here was life before Atlanta.

Recap:

R and I had sex twice.

The second time around, I didn't feel as bad. But I did question why I slept with a woman again.

As soon as I was done, I ran and hopped into the shower. I guess I washed away the guilt. She was highly offended.I contemplated whether I should go back into hiding like I did last time. Instead, Freshguy calls to come over. I hand her the pants she was wearing and basically kicked her out.

I had sex with two people that night.

I didn't feel weird for having an orgasm with her and 15 minutes later having an orgasm with him. I don't know if I should feel ashamed? Slutty? Promiscuous? Or just a plain freak?

Maybe I should feel all of the above.

I guess one would say that I should feel satisfied. I went from not having sex at all to having sex a little too much.

Yesterday, R pissed me off to another level. I learn that she tells her sister and our mutual friend that we had sex. These women had no idea if I was bi-curious or anything! Now they know my personal business. And I do not like that. It really hurt my feelings that she didn't think about how I would feel when it came to exposing our sexual history. I was gonna give R the silent treatment, but I changed my mind. I just came back home at 2:30 am. I spent hours at her place, talking about everything as usual.
I figure since she is my friend and I will be moving out of state in less than 5 days, the least I can do is be forgiving.

Im still trying to forgive.

Just to quickly throw this in, Freshguy and I made our "relationship" official. Although I warned him that I am known for cheating especially since we are going to live in different states. I might break his heart. However, he wants to make it work...

So...

Yea...

I have a boyfriend again.

Rocking Robin! Tweet Tweet!

I said I wont.

But I tried it.

and Twitter,

I think I like you.

http://twitter.com/akizogn

Speak Up and Out

My sexual harassment case is finally over.

Unfortunately, the bullshit that my lawyer told me was that he began to harass me after I stopped working for him, so there is nothing that they can do. In addition, there is a 6 month policy to file a claim of harassment with my alma mater. I tried to argue this rule by stating to my lawyer that I was a student and he is faculty. However, my lawyer let me know that I was not his student at the time or under a student/teacher or boss/employee setting. As a matter of fact, the DAY I graduated was when my boss crossed the line. When he took me to his home to liquor me up, I was no longer his employee.

Basically, the asshole pervert knew what he was doing.

My old boss will still be reprimanded and will take a class on sexual harassment. There will also be a note in his file or his record (or whatever that means) that a claim of sexual harassment was filed against him throughout his career. I can accept that. I can accept the school taking my issue seriously by even talking to the nasty ass old bastard. I just want him to know that I was on to him.

I feel at ease. I've been trying to avoid speaking out but I couldn't concentrate without thinking of a young woman that looked like me...that was afraid, sad and weak. This is the same woman who dropped all her cases of sexual harassment and rape because she didn't want to believe it happened. And because no one took her seriously. I kept seeing this girl who told jokes and did crazy things in order to forget the pain. No one knew the pain but her. I had to help her this time. I couldn't allow her to let another person get away with taking advantage of her. I knew I had the power. I knew could help her.




So I did.